I haven’t been writing that long. I’ve been regularly blogging even less. In what started as just an attempt to see if I could write a spoken word or two, my life has now become a cycle of regularly blogging on not one, but two different blogs, exchanging thoughts and comments with other writers and bloggers, entering poems in contests and submitting to literary magazines, and even being audacious enough to try my hand at writing a book for NaNoWriMo.
I initially started on just a writing posting website and was messaged by one of the writers there who enjoyed my work. We exchanged a few messages back and forth until we talked regularly and became friends. Since we started we didn’t talk everyday like we did when we first started but we still communicated regularly and continued to comment and encourage each other in their work. This friend of mine, who was the first to really speak and encourage what I do now, has removed herself in all her online forms and is gone.
She had some initial conflicts about keeping her writing separate from her regular life and had been pulling away in some degree but never to a level where I thought she would leave. In her final message to me over the weekend, she said that she had another person who had contacted her that had grown into a bit of a stalker, and to avoid the situation and bring her life back to where God wanted her, she was leaving all her online outlets. She was giving me a last message goodbye and had enjoyed the time where our paths crossed.
We had discussed before that if either one of us were to no longer be online as we were we would reach out and officially let the other one know; we wouldn’t just disappear into the night. I at least have some closure on this as she did just that. I checked her other profiles where she would act on other posting sites and on Tumblr. Her profiles there were already deleted and then in the next day or so her last profile was gone. None of her work remained. Just gone.
I had only known her for just short of two months, so it’s not like we had this history that we had been in contact with, but the fact that saddens me the most is she was my first friend out here in the land of writing and blogging. I’ve since made a few others and receive great comments and encouragement still, but the fact of her just up and leaving me makes me…I guess the best word is melancholy. I always knew that our relationship would be temporal and one day it would end, I just supposed it would be under different circumstances. Here she felt like her only escape from someone who followed her every post and move was to leave altogether, and this is saddening.
The thing is this: she doesn’t really know it because I didn’t want to come across as a crazy, stalker person, but I found her online. She took several steps to keep her online presence separate from her real life but from enough clues she spoke of I actually found where she is and her Facebook profile. I was a little nervous about discussing some personal info about me and wanted to take some steps to make sure that the person I was talking to was honest, you know how things can get today, and sure enough, there she was, just as she had claimed to be. To some degree, I’ll be able to see what she’s up to in some things, at least to see that she is ok. In any case, I have no real way to contact her without being that crazy loon who just validates why she left her online life in the first place.
Why am I saying all this? I’m still a little sad. There are places I’ve posted and people I’ve met that I wouldn’t have done so without her and now I can’t help but feel a little lost. I know she will be fine and probably happier in the long run (I hope so) and so will I. But it’s never easy when you lose a friend.